The Joe and Smith Podcast: Read the Book of Mormon with us

1 Nephi 09 There's a Lot of Sh*t That's Gone Down That God Hasn't Stopped

Smith wastes no time getting into some durian talk. His brother was sprayed by a skunk in his childhood and Joe had a close encounter in Strawberry, AZ. They make a quick visit to the corrections department about men getting sealed to other men. Joe has never seen a “live session” of the temple ceremony so Smith conducts a worthiness interview to see if Joe can get into the temple. Joe and Smith can’t stop talking about how much they love each other. The guys try to use Paul F. Tompkins as their spiritual guide for avoiding potty humor, but sometimes they still offend the spirit. What is the name of the plates this time? There are two of them this time and they’re both named Nephi for anyone keeping track. Smith brings up Top Gear again, but this time it is Harry Potter-related. Bane shows up to read us some pretty terrible quotes from Brigham Young’s journal of discourses. It’s hard to tell who is better at being a villain, and one of them isn’t even real. The guys try to convince themselves to do a deeper dive on brother Brigham on a bonus episode, but it sounds like a lot of heartache. 
The Book of Mormon is publicly available at churchofjesuschrist.org
 
Email us at joeandsmithpod@gmail.com
 
Remember who you are and what you stand for

1 Nephi 08 The Tree of F***ing Life

Quick head’s up on the technical side: the audio dropped out for a few minutes while recording so you will hear that happen toward the end of the episode.
Smith lets us know that he is in fact not affiliated with the grocery chain with the same name. The guys share a couple of cold stories. How many actors in the Matrix (1999) can Smith name? Tortoises and turtles are precious in his sight. Listener submitted UT dispensary names. How many Utah towns can you name? Smith had a classic MDM: Mother’s Day Mishap. LDS sacrament used to use wine to represent the blood of Christ, but now uses water. It’s quite the reversal of one of the miracles for which Jesus was most known. 
Lehi had a vision. It’s kind of boring, but God loves Boring. Lehi eats some delicious fruit that may be as delicious as durian is for Smith. Better numbers equals better missionary, better missionary equals better living conditions. Doesn’t it seem like more mocking comes from people on the path than from people in the great and spacious building? When did the tree of life vision get so boring? Shout out to Peter Bleakley’s idea that current church leadership is pretty similar to the Pharisees from the New Testament. Smith feels like there is an ‘emperor's new clothes’ element to appreciating the temple ceremony.  
 
Peter Bleakley’s podcast is Mormon Civil War and can be found at: https://www.mormoncivilwar.com/
Intro and incidental music Provided by Eric VanAusdal with permission from the artist. 
Gotta Keep On Movin Written by Bryan Teoh. This music is available for commercial and non-commercial purposes at- https://freepd.com/
The Book of Mormon is publicly available at churchofjesuschrist.org
Email us at joeandsmithpod@gmail.com
Remember who you are and what you stand for

1 Nephi 07 You Can Summon Turtles, Oh Sh**

Joe has some technical issues with his audio on this episode. If you are an audiophile, Joe’s audio is going to drive you crazy. It may be worth skipping, but you may lose out on building your testimony. Joe and Smith strive to be your number one source for information on the heights of the hosts from the British TV show Top Gear. Smith returns and reports on the Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent (2022). Joe does the same with Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat (1999), which was fabulous. The guys talk about how they still find themselves defending the church sometimes. They also point out how their criticisms of the church are likely not as strong as someone who is an expert in that sort of thing. Joe and Smith used to believe (and teach) that the church was run by an unpaid “lay” ministry, but they later found out that was not true. The guys pitch each other some ideas for Utah MMJ dispensary names. 
1 Nephi Chapter 7 casually mentions a guy named Ishmael as if we’ve known about him the whole time. One fact about Ishmael is that he was a fan of breakdancing. Nephi gets preachy with his brothers. He really comes off as a dickhead in this chapter, unfortunately empowering faithful dickheads all over the church. Was Laban’s murder the origin story of Nephi as a supervillain? Smith remembers a time that he summoned a turtle, this time from his childhood. 
Music Provided by Eric VanAusdal with permission from the artist. 
The Book of Mormon is publicly available at churchofjesuschrist.org
Email us at joeandsmithpod@gmail.com
Remember who you are and what you stand for

1 Nephi 05 and 06 May or May Not Have Been Under the Influence of Some Medical Marijuana

Joe and Smith discuss being respectful to faithful members of the church. They acknowledge that a lot of their criticism is from similar personal experiences in the church left them with a sense of chronic shame. Like many systems, the church seems to benefit those at the top while failing to deliver on the promise of benefits for all. The guys respect their pioneer heritage and the suffering and sacrifices that went along with life in those times. The guys pull the plug on the ‘and it came to pass’ drinking game. Joe uses the commitment pattern to invite Smith unto watching a 2022 Nicolas Cage movie. Other movie assignments include, Being John Malkovich (1999), Westworld (1973), The Last Temptation of Christ (1988), Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat (1999). Smith is a fan of the boy who lived, but not on the silver screen? It turns out that the guys know embarrassingly few lyrics to Baby Got Back. Also, The Violent Femmes are from Milwaukee.  
They read and discuss 1 Nephi Chapters 5 and 6. Third grade Smith got busted for a crudely-drawn picture of a sister in Zion. How can the book be so boring after such an exciting beheading chapter? The Book of Mormon is written not to be pleasing unto man, but unto God. Smith tells us about a personal experience when church members felt the spirit very strongly from him while he was on medical marijuana. Is the church moving away from the OG depictions of Christ from our childhoods?
 
Del Parson picture of Christ- https://deseretbook.com/p/christ-red-robe-16x22-framed-print-del-parson-74587
Russel M Nelson Divine Love  “divine love…cannot correctly be characterized as unconditional” https://abn.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/ensign/2003/02/divine-love?lang=eng&adobe_mc_ref=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.churchofjesuschrist.org%2Fstudy%2Fensign%2F2003%2F02%2Fdivine-love%3Flang%3Deng&adobe_mc_sdid=SDID%3D5398AB9BA629B12E-5790299054E90DEA%7CMCORGID%3D66C5485451E56AAE0A490D45%2540AdobeOrg%7CTS%3D1652217199
Music Provided by Eric VanAusdal with permission from the artist. 
The Book of Mormon is publicly available at churchofjesuschrist.org
Email us at joeandsmithpod@gmail.com

1 Nephi 04 We've Got a Headless Laban

Smith learns what a hangover feels like and may regain his testimony of the Word of Wisdom. Are ambulances the only vehicles that can have a backwards font on their bonnets? Vengeance is mine, saith the Lord. The guys explain the timeline of the Old and New Testaments of the Bible, which are separated by the birth of one Elvis Aaron Presley. Smith had a goth friend in elementary school who may have given him real blood for a Halloween costume. The guys tease more info to come about temples and review some of the requirements to actually go inside. To Joe’s utter delight, Smith drops a little Regan in verse 3. The guys try to get to the bottom of whether or not Laban’s murder is a good idea- they’re leaning toward no if it’s for scripture, but yes if it’s for Hollywood. Smith recalls a pretty effective missionary door approach from his mission days. Zoram is super into talking about the elders of the Jews as evidenced by verses 22 and 27. Remember who you are and what you stand for. 
Mormon Rap- https://youtu.be/4TeV8yp8ALM
Brother Jake’s YouTube channel- https://www.youtube.com/c/BrotherJake
Music Provided by Eric VanAusdal with permission from the artist. 
The Book of Mormon is publicly available at churchofjesuschrist.org
Email us at joeandsmithpod@gmail.com

1 Nephi 03 We Just Kinda Like to Jerk You Around a Little Bit

Neither Smith nor Joe has seen The Last Temptation of Christ (1988). Joe talks about some of the obsession with sex in the church, and how marriage was looked at like checking a box. Smith talks about some of the overt racism in the early church and refers listeners back to the CES letter for better info (see link below). Joe asserts that BY was a bad enough guy that the university should be renamed. Smith reads a quote from Mark Twain that the BOM is “chloroform in print”. Smith brings up a Michael Crichton quote about the crazy-looking tabernacle. 
The guys wish they could not feel bad about anything. Smith notes that the “choice” in the BOM so far is to either be disobedient and die, or to be obedient and rich. Joe makes sure to bring up that REM’s Murmur album was named Rolling Stone's Best Album of 1983. Joe pitches the idea of changing the name of the podcast to Everything is Fetch. The guys express their dislike of the use of that word as a swear. Lamen has an awkward conversation with the Lord. 
The angel has an awkward conversation with L&L about making Nephi a leader over them. Joe points out that this gives an argument to people who want to claim some moral authority over reason in the name of some unseen righteous authority. Smith points out that God may just be on mute and he doesn’t realize it. Joe recommends S12E17 of Southpark which gives a pretty accurate depiction of the translation of the BOM. Smith reminds us that the temple ceremony used to contain penalties for breaking promises, like medieval penalties. 
Section of CES letter about ban on black men to have the priesthood https://read.cesletter.org/prophets/#blacks-ban
Mark Twain on the Mormons
https://twain.lib.virginia.edu/roughingit/map/rimormon6.html
The Dollop 132 - THE BONE WARS https://allthingscomedy.com/podcasts/132---the-bone-wars
Wikipedia page for REM’s Murmur album https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Murmur_(album)  
Stephen Paul Taylor Everybody knows shit's fucked https://youtu.be/xJ7JseIxgX4?t=57 
Wikipedia page for Southpark episode “All about Mormons” https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/All_About_Mormons 
Mormon stories Podcast. 005: MASONRY AND MORMONISM, AN INTERVIEW WITH GREG KEARNEY  https://mormonstories.org/podcast/mormon-stories-podcast-005-masonry-and-mormonism-and-interview-with-greg-kearney/ 
Music Provided by Eric VanAusdal with permission from the artist. 
The Book of Mormon is publicly available at churchofjesuschrist.org
Cesletter.org
Mormonstories.org
Email us at joeandsmithpod@gmail.com

1 Nephi 02 That's his Currency

Joe starts off with an apology for what he remembers of his behavior in the previous episode.  Joe and Smith discuss the film Everything Everywhere All at Once (2022). The guys talk about growing up in the church and feeling like love was a conditional thing. Smith has a challenge to find a passage in the BOM that expresses unconditional love without strings attached. The guys remind the listener of their own ignorance on pretty much everything. Joe and Smith talk about their relationship with the media and their devices. Joe accuses Smith of being preachy about it. Neither of the guys have seen Hacksaw Ridge (2016). Afghan is the correct term for the people as it turns out. Smith isn’t proud of some of his past political beliefs and preemptively apologizes for any slips of his ignorance while talking, Joe agrees in spirit. 
Joe brings up the victim mentality that tends to come up in the church. Smith asks Joe about comparing his kids to geologic formations like Lehi does in this chapter. Smith notices the lack of unconditional love coming from Lehi to his sons. Lehi seems pretty passive aggressive and it’s rewarded. Nephi is a big kid, like Dudley Dursley? Joe notices that JS brings his value for wanting to have financial gain into this chapter. This chapter brings up a curse from the Lord, and the guys lament the fact that HP used one of the unforgivable curses in anger. 
 
Behind the Bastards on Apple Podcasts https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/behind-the-bastards/id1373812661 
 
Afghan / Afghani https://brians.wsu.edu/2016/05/16/afghan-afghani/ 
 
Music Provided by Eric VanAusdal with permission from the artist.
The Book of Mormon is publicly available at churchofjesuschrist.org
 
Email us at joeandsmithpod@gmail.com
 
Remember who you are and what you stand for

1 Nephi 01 I Have Vomited

Joe and Smith discuss briefly Under the Banner of Heaven (2022), aka Garfield, available on hulu. Smith hasn’t read any books today, but he tends to have his phone read Michael Crichton books to him. He hasn’t seen Westworld (1973), which had the same MPAA rating as Smith’s previous marriage. The guys may or may not admit to a garment fetish. Smith tells about his wizard powers of summoning turtles. Smith and Joe discuss trying to unlearn some of the sexisim that was ingrained in them so deeply. Joe talks about what it’s like to raise kids who haven’t been part of the church for most of their lives. The guys hope to see a day when a Utah baby girl is named Jahndallyn. Joe and Smith do not identify as gay, but have a goal to be the first gay temple marriage. Joe and Smith talk about bonding over indie music and comedy. Smith talks about Modest Mouse and Joe tells a story about a time when the owner of Nita’s Hideaway in Tempe, AZ came to his wedding reception. 
The bumper music is brought to you by Eric VanAusdal, who is an underappreciated artist. Smith has seen Joe cry listening to this music. Joe foolishly decides to have a shot every time a verse begins “and it came to pass”. Joe points out that Joseph Smith Jr lied to his first wife, Emma, about polygamy and to the rest of the world when he started a book with “I Nephi”. 
Smith notices that maybe JS doth protest too much when it comes to Nephi saying that the BOM is true from the get-go. 
Joe remembers morning scripture study a teenager and how he wanted to get through it quickly so he could go back to sleep. The BOM makes Joe vomit, maybe with some help from alcohol. The guys stoop to gutter humor to reinterpret verse 14. Smith has not seen Deliverance (1972). Joe is in no shape for more chit-chat. 
 
THE DOLLOP Dave Anthony | Gareth Reynolds https://allthingscomedy.com/podcast/the-dollop Gospel Topics Essays https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/manual/gospel-topics-essays/essays?lang=eng Zedekiah’s wikipedia entry https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zedekiah Pavement - Blue Hawaiian https://youtu.be/2IVToqYzBQo?t=34 
Music Provided by Eric VanAusdal with permission from the artist.The Book of Mormon is publicly available at churchofjesuschrist.orgEmail us at joeandsmithpod@gmail.com
Remember who you are and what you stand for

Introduction

Joe and Smith introduce each other and their podcast. The guys discuss some early LDS lore and invent a new early saint called W.W. Wphelps, who may have had a hand in inventing the World Wide Web. Joe notices his tendency to want definitive truth when learning something new. The guys are going to use swear words and sometimes offend, but not for the sake of being offensive. Joe and Smith are pretty convinced that they are the worst people, self-esteem is not their strong suit, but they’re working on it. The guys bring up how they still hang on to some doctrines from the church, like Brian Regan. Smith says that he wants the podcast to help people who feel like they’re on the outside who may be dealing with some trauma and sadness from their families and from the church. The guys started watching Under the Banner of Heaven (2022), aka Garfield, on Hulu. Joe feels like he has only ever won one fight with the church and that it was deciding not to go anymore. The guys give an overview of the process of having one’s name removed from the church’s records. The BOM has 239 chapters. Goddammit. Smith denies being a Star Wars fanboy, but he really is. The guys bare their testimony that the BOM was written by a fraud (JS) and written for purposes such as gaining power and money. It’s a secret combination. They devolve into some righteous indignation toward JS, but they steer out of it by singing a hymn. Smith feels like the overwhelming pressure for perfection in the church conditioned him to lie, while Joe feels like he told the truth and was just “less than”. The guys notice that it may be easier to stay in the church if you don’t take the church very seriously. 
Smith reads us the title page, which is super confusing. The guys try to piece together some of the details but give up and refer the listener to people like Jeremy Runnells and John Dehlin, aka Jahndalyn. Smith points out how easy it is to get distracted by the levels of details and minutia in the BOM, but that it’s all made up. 
The guys read the introduction to the BOM, which essentially positions itself as Bible fanfiction. Smith tells about getting duped by fake Harry Potter fanfiction before book 5. Russel M Nelson is a bastard. The guys take some issue with the church adding the word “among” to the intro page. Smith knows a lot about the temple, but he’ll get into that later. Smith talks about how he tried to “make up” for the church's sexism by elevating women to a higher level. 
Mormon Stories Podcast 480-482: JEREMY RUNNELLS AND HIS LETTER TO A CES DIRECTOR JUNE 18, 2014 https://mormonstories.org/podcast/jeremy-runnells-and-his-letter-to-a-ces-director/ 
CES Letter My Search for Answers to my Mormon Doubts BY JEREMY RUNNELLS
https://cesletter.org/ 
THE DOLLOP Dave Anthony | Gareth Reynolds https://allthingscomedy.com/podcast/the-dollop 
Music Provided by Eric VanAusdal with permission from the artist. 
The Book of Mormon is publicly available at churchofjesuschrist.org
Email us at joeandsmithpod@gmail.com
Remember who you are and what you stand for