The Joe and Smith Podcast: Read the Book of Mormon with us

1 Nephi 19 He's Just So Good

Smith starts by trying to open his hard heart, but Joe quickly distracts him with talk of a they/them dog. The guys refer to a great couple of episodes from Jahndalynn’s podcast (links below), about Sister Bednar’s husband giving an address at the National Press Club. Listen to that podcast if you have 7+ hours to spare. Smith isn’t happy with some of the copout maneuvers from the Q&A section of Bednar’s address. Joe wishes he could see how JS would have handled today’s press because it wouldn’t be like Bednar. Smith points out how uneventful and unfunny general conference seems to be. Smith gets excited remembering how much he liked The Emperor's New Groove (2000). Smith doesn’t have a testimony of JS nor of BY. Joe is grateful that maybe the church lies to us, but at least they don’t lie to us in the same way JS lied to the church/world. The guys may take a tandem bike ride together if they can find the right place to do it. 
Smith asks Joe about any needed guidance that could come from reading the BOM. The guys try a few tactics to make the BOM true- maybe it was Atlantis or on a volcano that erupted, or maybe it happened in a different universe entirely. Smith remembers the teaching that would come up sometimes that this earth is the only earth that killed Jesus. Why don’t you sit and think about that Jesus-killer-earthling? Joe gets to talk to the Holy Spirit for a little while who seems like a pretty pleasant Southern gentleman. Joe doesn’t know very much about the Dead Sea Scrolls. 
The guys are adamant that they do not wish to start a cult. They still think Ballam was the best Lucifer. Joe tries to brainstorm about what to do with all of those Isaiah chapters coming up. Did Mark Hamill write the Gospels of Mark and Luke while in and out of character? 
 
Mormon Stories Podcast 1602: RESPONDING TO MORMON APOSTLE DAVID BEDNAR’S NATIONAL PRESS CLUB PRESENTATION https://mormonstories.org/podcast/responding-to-bednars-npc-presentation/?portfolioCats=1989
 
Mormon Stories Podcast 1605: RESPONDING TO MORMON APOSTLE DAVID BEDNAR’S NATIONAL PRESS CLUB CONFERENCE – PT 2
https://mormonstories.org/podcast/responding-to-bednars-npc-conference-2/?portfolioCats=1989 
 
Donald Trump Says Billions And Billions And Billions https://youtu.be/u_aLESDql1U 
 
Email us at joeandsmithpod@gmail.com
Music Provided by Eric VanAusdal with permission from the artist.
The Book of Mormon is publicly available at churchofjesuschrist.org 
 
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1 Nephi 18 If Emma Asks You About it, Just Deny it

The guys start off by reminiscing over the bonkers AM radio show Coast to Coast with George Noory. Smith is still frustrated about Rusty’s aversion to the term Mormon. Smith talks about his time as a gun enthusiast and how some of his attitudes have changed. Smith tells Joe about a video of the president of the NRA getting trolled (link below). The corrections department reminded the guys to circle back to Ronald Poelman’s 1984 conference talk that needed to be corrected (link below). The guys remember the early 2000s and how funny it was when TV shows were bleeped. Joe remembers how much of a laugh GA’s and executives get for mediocre jokes. Smith notices that beards and poligamy ended around the same time in the church. The guys wonder how the convo went between the Lord and JS when JS married Orson Hyde’s wife while he was on a mission. 
Smith feels like he notices more of the apologetics since he stopped attending. He thinks that the apologetics in Rough Stone have kept RL Bushman from being ex’d. 
In this chapter, Nephi is afraid of God and that’s a good thing. Did Lehi find the golden snitch outside of his tent? Also, sometimes God makes things difficult to show his power. Nephi murmurs about his soreness, but nobody calls him on it. God threatens people with destruction sometimes, also a good thing. The baller director is aka the L-word. 
Coast to Coast AM https://www.coasttocoastam.com/ 
 
You tube- We Gave a Speech to Wayne LaPierre at the NRA Convention https://youtu.be/yTCXGAeLGHw 
 
Ronald Poelman - Censored General Conference Talk - Nov 16, 1984 https://youtu.be/6qIr30dtCvo 
 
Apostle Orson Hyde who was sent on his mission when Joseph secretly married his wife, Marinda Hyde https://cesletter.org/debunking-fairmormon/polygamy-polyandry.html#hyde 
 
Bill O'Reilly - We'll Do It LIVE! https://youtu.be/vu2NK5REvWM 
 
Joseph Smith ROUGH STONE ROLLING By Richard Lyman Bushman https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/22031/joseph-smith-by-richard-lyman-bushman/
 
ARCHAEOLOGY AND THE BOOK OF MORMON https://mormonstories.org/truth-claims/the-books/the-book-of-mormon/archaeology-and-the-book-of-mormon/ 
 
Email us at joeandsmithpod@gmail.com
 
Remember who you are and what you stand for
 

1 Nephi 17 The Absence of Love

Joe remembers a time when the seminary building at his high school was vandalized. He also remembers that his seminary teachers loved responding to criticisms of the BOM, but they wouldn’t share from where the criticisms came. Smith is rereading the JS bio from Bushman and he’s noticing the amount of apologetics within. The guys decide that the whole ‘raising the bar’ for missionaries attitude from the early 2000s was most likely just clever branding. Joe tells a story about inadvertently seeing bad words in a chat on his son’s discord. Smith tells a story about catching a coworker watching sexy moose butchering videos. Smith finds a GA with a pretty good combover. Smith remembers a YT video from Thinker of Thoughts that made him feel sad for Sister Bednar. 
Joe is reminded of a Black Mirror episode about unskippable ads. Smith is a fan of Gilligan, but not the island. This chapter uses the word suck and the guys want to get it to catch on again as a term. Smith issues himself the book of victory for Satan challenge, in which he comes up with some sort of compelling BOM fanfiction. Smith denies any HP-related LARPing activities. Smith wants to write about how the baller director showed up in the story. The guys challenge each other to find something objectively positive in this chapter, and they’re having a tough time doing it. Smith reminds the listener that according to Rusty, God’s love is not conditional (see link below). Nephi and the Lord have an awkward conversation about who is in charge, and that Nephi’s last name is probably Smith. The guys think that God maybe started loving church members after they left the church. 
Smith got an incorrect answer on a history test in high school once, it was mainly a translation error though. The guys wonder what it would be like to talk to their bishop about a foot fetish. Joe points out that the verbiage in this chapter leaves room for the argument that God does not love those who will have him as their god. Also from this chapter: if you think about a sin, you’ve committed that sin in your heart. Joe gets triggered from being called past feeling when he was asking too many questions. In this chapter JS plays up the wicked getting punished by God which set quite a precedent psychologically for a young Joe and Smith. 
 
Music Provided by Eric VanAusdal with permission from the artist.
The Book of Mormon is publicly available at churchofjesuschrist.org
 
Charles Andre Didier https://www.mormonwiki.com/Charles_A._Didier 
 
Joseph Smith ROUGH STONE ROLLING By Richard Lyman Bushman https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/22031/joseph-smith-by-richard-lyman-bushman/
 
Sister Bednar - Staying Humble https://youtu.be/WJtDU1-W2N0
 
Wikipedia page for Black Mirror episode Fifteen Million Merits- https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fifteen_Million_Merits 
 
Russel M Nelson Divine Love  “divine love…cannot correctly be characterized as unconditional” https://abn.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/ensign/2003/02/divine-love?lang=eng&adobe_mc_ref=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.churchofjesuschrist.org%2Fstudy%2Fensign%2F2003%2F02%2Fdivine-love%3Flang%3Deng&adobe_mc_sdid=SDID%3D5398AB9BA629B12E-5790299054E90DEA%7CMCORGID%3D66C5485451E56AAE0A490D45%2540AdobeOrg%7CTS%3D1652217199
 
Costco Bountiful Warehouse  https://www.costco.com/warehouse-locations/bountiful-w-bountiful-ut-735.html 
 
Snakes On a Plane- Samuel L. Jackson https://youtu.be/vLaX8UvVUQw 
 
Email us at joeandsmithpod@gmail.com
 
Remember who you are and what you stand for

1 Nephi 16 We Are In For Some S**t With That G****n Olive Tree

Smith had some audio problems on this episode, so bear with us. Do you like the sound of mouse clicks? Let’s find out together. Joe and Smith start by visiting the corrections department for a couple of mispronunciations on the last episode. Who is your favorite dame? Smith’s attorney may have an uphill battle for his piece of the wizarding pie. Joe had a panicky way to start the day. Smith tells us about a scare he had a few years back and how there was a fall guy for the MMM. Smith’s capital punishment choice would also be firing squad and Joe’s would be an unfogivable curse. Smith reads a screenshot/post from the interweb to brighten our mood. The guys hear from a listener asking for ideas about an AMA-type meeting going on in her stake. 
Joe recommends the Alanis Morrisette documentary Jagged (2021). Nephi comes in hot in this chapter, being shitty to his brothers and getting rewarded for it. Lehi finds a compass outside of his tent- it’s never explained. A compass just shows up, no further questions. Smith wants an Oregon Trail-type video game or board game with Lehi’s family at the center. Nephi broke his fine Chinese steel bow. 
Lehi channels his inner Gandolph (not to mention JS) to get directions from a stone. Nephi does more chastising to empower more similar behavior in the LDS church. Joe points out that JS might be using this chapter to let the church members know that they need to fall in line to be more like Nephi and less like L&L. He’s taking some pretty big swings by having Lehi find a compass and L&L hearing the voice of God. 
 
Meaningless https://youtu.be/pD_wSdkgaQA
Music Provided by Eric VanAusdal with permission from the artist.
The Book of Mormon is publicly available at churchofjesuschrist.org
Email us at joeandsmithpod@gmail.com
Remember who you are and what you stand for

1 Nephi 15 He Looks Like Dudley Dursley and He Sounds Like Brian Regan

Smith starts out by trying to convince us that his legal name may be Smith Podcast and the guys have been saying his name the entire time. Smith knows a lot about Penn and Teller. Joe remembers REM’s 1995 performance on Letterman. Joe made a Modest Mouse name-that-tune challenge game for Smith, and Smith kind of blows it out of the water. The guys talk about what they like about indie music, and Joe confesses his love for Indie 102.3 in Denver. Is there a Mormon special forces unit? Smith tells about his son correcting him over Rusty’s name for the church. Joe’s son correctly uses the L’s N in V. Joe tells a second-hand story about a good sacrament meeting prank he heard of once. The guys remember how nerve-racking the sacrament prayer could be, and Smith shares a fail he had. The guys talk about an attitude shift in the church more recently where people can make mistakes on some of the wording and still get by. Smith drops a bombshell that he used to be a temple worker/officiator and tells a couple of stories about the council to not be an asshole to temple patrons. 
Nephi acts like a judgey asshole to his brothers while millions of people in 2022 testify that the BOM is true. Joe tells us about telling his bishop about masturbating too much. Smith casually mentions the idea of the BOMCU as if he’s mentioned it millions of times. He wonders if Jurassic Park technology will help graft the branch of this olive tree that Nephi won’t STFU about. Joe gets indignant about Nephi taking credit for a positive change in L&L, but not taking responsibility when shit goes South. Smith points out that it’s silly to get angry with the motivations of the fictional Nephi. 
Bane reads us a quote from Brucer, who seems like a pretty big advocate for staying with the ninety and nine sheep. The guys scratch the surface on DF Uch and how challenging norms may get you demoted out of the first presidency. Smith recommends a Thinker of Thoughts YT video about a GA who had to make some ex post facto changes to his conference talk (citation needed). The guys resort to making dick jokes about the iron rod again, come on guys grow up. L&L tend to ask the questions that Nephi is just raring to answer, some of the questions are so specific. Joe and Smith try to make an impromptu MM song using the BOM as inspiration and it doesn’t work. The guys still can’t get over how in-your-face the last chapter was about calling all other churches a whore. 
 
Crush With Eyeliner - REM - 1995 https://youtu.be/xA3H6czr9Ms?t=250  
Indie 102.3 in Denver (stream it!) https://indie.cpr.org/ 
The Universe Tim and Eric https://youtu.be/-R4Tp8ls5lY?t=62 
The Caravan Moves On By Elder Bruce R. McConkie https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/1984/10/the-caravan-moves-on?lang=eng 
Thinker Of Thoughts https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCVTCFh3uDMH0GZlwl1JOoHQ 
A Mormon by any other name... https://youtu.be/2lKQrYUE3yc
Randy Travis - Forever And Ever, Amen (Official Music Video) https://youtu.be/sgJXbIP83A8 
Music Provided by Eric VanAusdal with permission from the artist.
The Book of Mormon is publicly available at churchofjesuschrist.org
Email us at joeandsmithpod@gmail.com
Remember who you are and what you stand for

1 Nephi 14 This is Pure

Smith gives an invocation to our Lord Liam Neesons. The guys discuss laziness versus efficiency. Smith tells Joe about calculated mediocrity. Joe tries to start a rumor that eating a lime will make you lie. He also tells us about his stake president growing up (Guilt Swirly) who may or may not have propagated the rumor that he could tell when someone was telling the truth in an interview. Smith reminds us that general authorities get paid by the church. Smith sums up some of the thoughts he’s had while recently studying about BY and the early days of the church. The guys agree that Michael Ballam is definitively the sexiest Satan in the endowment room. The guys decided to hold off on FX’s Under the Banner of Heaven (aka Garfield) until all of the episodes are out. Smith reminds Joe about the Alicia Silverstone bird thing. Smith has an idea for a JS re-enactment at his family reunion. The guys realize that they are putting off reading this week’s chapter which reminds them of putting off reading the BOM in their earlier days. 
Joe comes back from the break too early for Smith. The chapter starts off pretty boring and kinda repeats the same note over and over again throughout. Joe and Smith remember some ill-timed boners while doing the work of the Lord. Do you belong to a different church? Guess what? It’s a whore, no further questions. The guys come back from the 2nd break a little early too. Joe and Smith wonder what it would be like to be a fly on the wall for a meeting with the church’s PR firm. The guys notice that JS uses this part of the BOM to summarize all of human history until the second coming (not the good kind) of Jesus. In other words, nothing historically important happens from 1830 until whenever Jesus comes back because that time period is unaccounted for. Smith pitches a wonderful fan fiction idea where JS was actually a prophet, and the smear campaign against him was just really successful. Full circle? 
 
The Valets Love Liam Neesons - Key & Peele https://youtu.be/hhfHu6IHBiI
Laziness Does Not Exist by Devon Price Ph.D. https://www.amazon.com/Laziness-Exist-Devon-Price-Ph-D/dp/1982140100 
Mormon Temple Endowment Movie - Cast and History from The Salamander Society http://www.salamandersociety.com/media/movies/templemovie/ 
 
Alicia Silverstone Feeding Baby Mouth-to-Mouth Video Spurs Debate, Is it Safe, Healthy? https://youtu.be/ZvySMbNA2zc 
 
Why Bible Accurate Angels Are So Creepy https://youtu.be/40KcrrfbJ6o 
Music Provided by Eric VanAusdal with permission from the artist.
The Book of Mormon is publicly available at churchofjesuschrist.org
Email us at joeandsmithpod@gmail.com
Remember who you are and what you stand for

1 Nephi 13 It's More Possible Than JS Finding a Gold Bible

Smith once again starts again with a prayer and Joe respectfully closes his eyes. The guys talk timelines in the Breaking Call Saul-iverse. Ask and ye shall receive: Joe would like an award for being an adult. The guys talk about the “never enough” attitude both in and outside the church. Smith tells us about giving himself an out while giving Priesthood blessings. Guessing game: how many UT municipalities are named after LDS apostles? The guys talk about worshiping BY and JS. There is an LDS scripture that puts JS as the 2nd most important person to have ever lived on earth. Nice. The guys remember watching the Netflix documentary Abducted in Plain Sight (2017) which kind of serves as an example of how church members can be a little extra susceptible to sociopaths since a guy that they definitely don’t worship may have been one. The guys sound old while expressing their disapproval of youtubers who do a lot of screaming. Smith mentions Andy Daily (good) and Rush Limbaugh (bad) in the same sentence. Joe is not ready to admit that he used to listen although he readily admits to all sorts of shameful Mormonocities. The guys go down a Crispin Glover rabbit hole and Smith reads a plot summary of the Werner Herzog film Even Dwarfs Started Small (1970). 
Smith starts off chapter 13 reminding us that there is an angel who loves to show stuff to Nephi. Like, all sorts of stuff. The guys are reminded about how the BOM goes all-in on Christopher Columbus, and not the good one. The same chapter gives us some foreshadowing about how the BOM gets into some pretty uncomfortable territory regarding, you know, people with white skin being more blessed. Ideas for blowing through Jacob chapter 5? We still have time to figure it out. Joe has some pretty well-timed exasperated sighs in this ep. Joe isn’t proud of his young jingoistic missionary self. Q- How likely is it that this abominable church was founded by a mythical creature? A- about as likely as a different church was founded by a guy who said he was visited by other mythical creatures. Fucking plain, and godamn precious, things. Yes Joe, the Pixies have a song that mentions 7 is God’s number. Smith (rightfully) loses his mind over the repetition and cadence that is happening at the end of this chapter. Listeners, adieu. 
Peaches - The Presidents of the United States of America https://youtu.be/wvAnQqVJ3XQ
Pixies - Monkey Gone To Heaven (Official Video) https://youtu.be/EHC9HE7vazI?t=109 
 
Music Provided by Eric VanAusdal with permission from the artist.
The Book of Mormon is publicly available at churchofjesuschrist.org
 
Email us at joeandsmithpod@gmail.com
 
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1 Nephi 12 I Want Mormon Rap, Not Mormon Doctrine

Smith leads off with a beautiful prayer. The garbage truck is busy in Joe’s neighborhood. Smith tells us a Tesla tale. A guy tried to run a speaker-selling scam on Smith at a gas station…twice. Joe reminisces about a pot edible inspiring a vengeance plot for Bindi Irwin. Smith asks a Beatles question and gets a long answer. The guys talk about accents and document forging. It’s an easy trail to follow after that- Mark Hoffman, Jared Hess, Jackie Chan, Tim and Eric- obviously. The guys go down a rabbit hole of former or dissident mormons (formons). 
Chan: 'Not Jackie Chan' | Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job! | Adult Swim https://youtu.be/WN71h43iR6U
 
Music Provided by Eric VanAusdal with permission from the artist.
The Book of Mormon is publicly available at churchofjesuschrist.org
Email us at joeandsmithpod@gmail.com
Remember who you are and what you stand for
 

1 Nephi 11 The Spirit's Got ADHD

Joe and Smith sometimes ask each other questions to which they already know the answer. More Utah municipality talk. Smith is feeling a bit off and tries to re-center himself with a calming rendition of Cotton-eye Joe. The guys play a round of finger, mercenary, kiss with Nolan Batman villains, and then another round of candlelight dinner, church dance, eternal marriage with characters from The (Diggery) Batman. The guys surmise that the Joker would not be a very loyal Tenenbaum. Why does it feel so good to feel bad? It’s so comforting sometimes. Joe recommendation: American Crime Story: Impeachment. Bane reads us a quote from Dallin Oaks about apologies. Joe Smith was a fast-talker, an artist of misdirection. 4’33” is a composition by experimental composer John Cage. Link below to EV’s karaoke version of it. 
Smith starts out by accidentally reading the wrong chapter, that’s just extra blessings. This chapter of the BOM starts with an angel appearing to Nephi and showing him all sorts of visions. Who is the best Scrooge? Michael Cain? George C. Scott? Bill Murray? Joe goes in-depth to explain the condensation of God. Smith channels his inner 12-year-old for a pretty jizzy interpretation of the vision of the tree of life. A dog at Smith’s house says hello from a different room. Smith tells us a mission story about having to use his Priesthood authority to cast out EFY music. He shares his opinion on the LDS practice of having youth participate in a trek (pioneer LARP-ing). Smith gets so worked up talking about the trek that he needed to end the episode in anger, which is something experts advise against. 
Holopaw - Dirty Boots https://youtu.be/VbS58eESOFQ
 
John Cage 4'33" Karaoke https://youtu.be/md_SCDozcAY
Music Provided by Eric VanAusdal with permission from the artist.
The Book of Mormon is publicly available at churchofjesuschrist.org
 
Email us at joeandsmithpod@gmail.com
 
Remember who you are and what you stand for

1 Nephi 10 John The Go**mn F***ing Baptist

Joe and Smith open with an excerpt from a sacred children’s hymn. It really leans into the minor key. The guys are still figuring out their best audio setups, thanks for your patience. Joe asks Smith about his knowledge on the triple M, and then Joe (poorly) recalls what he read about it on the wikipedia page for the Mountain Meadows Massacre. Joe misremembers a Kids in the Hall sketch (it was Bruce, not Dave). Smith was gifted a box of electronics from before the turn of the century. Joe accidentally gets Smith to talk about Michael Crichton again. See youtube links to Kirk and Spock below. Should we do an ep from the lava tube in Flagstaff? Nephi is very specific in his prophecies regarding things to come. Even Samuel the Lamanite wasn’t able to (spoiler) give a specific year of Jesus’ birth, so Nephi is pretty impressive prophet-wise. 
Kids in the Hall: The Long Note https://youtu.be/OYiJabhVST8 
William Shatner "Sings" 'Rocket Man' 1978 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8wI4jMxveyI 
Leonard Nimoy: The Ballad of Bilbo Baggins https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BC35cQKHwzg
 
Music Provided by Eric VanAusdal with permission from the artist.
The Book of Mormon is publicly available at churchofjesuschrist.org
 
Email us at joeandsmithpod@gmail.com
 
Remember who you are and what you stand for