The Joe and Smith Podcast: Read the Book of Mormon with us

2 Nephi 03

Unbeknownst to the listener, the guys have had a long break from the podcast and they missed each other. They already want to make sure that the listener is clued in on a mistake that is coming up on the next episode. Smith tells about what it was like to get a video message from Joe in a sexy, sexy, hospital gown. The guys think they are funny, but they personally know people who are funnier. Smith’s dad is doing his best to show unconditional love for his children despite what he learned in the BOM. J Sesh was a bad guy. Phineas Gage had an interesting life. Joe delivers his first annual state of the podcast speech. He will pause for claps and faps. 
Joe saw the Elvis movie with a wonderful audience member. Johnny Cash was AKA Johnny Depp. The spirit is PFT, but also Melvin. One is OK with potty humor. The spirit calls Joe to repentance about his efforts in terms of his thoughts. Joe tries to cast an ant out of his presence, but it doesn’t work. Smith finished watching The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent (2022) and he liked it. The guys consider watching the movie Paddington 2 (2018) together. Joe loses it hearing Smith’s idea for a new way to inflect for saying the name of the 2nd token of the M priesthood. Joe misses his queue for a U-S-A chant. Joe tries to dispel a rumor as Deter, but he can’t pull it off. Smith figures out an acceptable abbreviation for ‘fruit of thy loins’ and Joe laughs like an adolescent. Smith doesn’t like Joe’s new idea about the genital operation for those in the lower kingdoms. Joe is tickled by the idea of the Lord raising up a Moses. Bane shows up to remind us that he is not as good of a villain as BY. Joe tries to tell the story about Matt Easton, but he gets most of the details wrong. Joe thinks JS was feeling a little insecure while writing this chapter. Smith recognizes that he needs to bring back Jahndallyn soon. We may have learned that Smith has to do the podcast for community service hours. 
 
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jeff_Sessions 
137 - PHINEAS GAGE https://allthingscomedy.com/podcasts/137---phineas-gage 
https://www.usatoday.com/story/life/allthemoms/2019/04/29/matt-easton-byu-valedictorian-mormon-comes-out-gay-graduation-speech/3615629002/ 
 
Email us at joeandsmithpod@gmail.com
Music Provided by Eric VanAusdal with permission from the artist.
The Book of Mormon is publicly available at churchofjesuschrist.org 
 
Remember who you are and what you stand for
 

2 Nephi 02

Smith introduces us to a very unlikable version of JS. Joe assures Smith that all sorts of women must be attracted to him. Smith concludes that it's difficult to be single as well as in a relationship. Joe tries to flex his BSA knowledge. Smith plays a similarly unlikable version of Joe in a reenactment of a phone convo with Joe’s dad. Smith wants to watch Encino Man (1992) instead of reading the BOM. 
Smith is curious about the baldness scale. Joe remembers hearing a wonderful round of FMK with the 1st presidency on the Once Upon a Mormon podcast. Joe reads a message from a listener about the sexy merits of drisilque garments. Smith remembers doing a FB check-in on his mission trainer who remains an ###hole. Joe has a tech issue and apologizes for it. Smith delights Joe with Slingblade Lehi. The guys reiterate that they know that they say shi**y things sometimes when they’re trying to be funny. They don’t mean to offend, but they’ve been offended.
Lehi shows up to tell us a sacrament story from Smith’s youth. Joe challenges some of the logic from the chapter about righteousness = happiness. Also, punishment is a good thing in the BOM. Michael Ballam shows up as Lucifer to threaten having control. Unlikable JS shows up again to remind everyone that they have to do what the BOM says or they will be miserable. 
 
Once Upon a Mormon Podcast- https://www.audible.com/pd/Once-Upon-a-Mormon-Podcast/B09YMNQGFS 
Neutral Milk Hotel - You've Passed https://youtu.be/Sody5nHbQk4 
The Black Hammer https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Black_Hammer 
it's free real estate https://youtu.be/yNxPVj0hejg 
 
Email us at joeandsmithpod@gmail.com
Music Provided by Eric VanAusdal with permission from the artist.
The Book of Mormon is publicly available at churchofjesuschrist.org 
 
Remember who you are and what you stand for
 

2 Nephi 01

Audiofiles: apologies. It sounds like Joe recorded his part of the conversation in a different room from his mic. The guys rate each other on funniness. They’re probably both too generous. Smith tells Joe about Brigham Morris Young, it’s news to Joe. Joe tells Smith about Ervil LeBaron, who kind of sounds like a Mormon Charlie Manson. Joe is still a little disturbed over the allegations against G Bitner Hinckley from The Godmakers 2. Smith says that he never felt a personal relationship with Jesus while in the church. Joe agrees and says that he felt unworthy because of stigmas against masturbation in the church at the time. Wickedness never was happiness originated with someone who was doing wickedness wrong. 
Joe wants to sing a song coming back from break, but Smith won’t stop talking about Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. Smith gets in touch with his vocal fry ability. Smith points out the fact that icebergs have never caused a problem in history that we know of. The chapter starts off hot by reminding readers that Columbus was a good guy. Joe points out some pretty terrible justifications for what he sees at the BOM version of manifest destiny. Name reveal: Podcast Podcast Smith and Joe Podcast Podcast. Smith likes the idea of reading the BOM at Joe to condemn him. Do you know more primary songs than Disney songs? Joe thinks he may have found a verse in the BOM with a positive message. When he puts it into context however, it’s still telling him he’s not good enough. 
Joe doesn’t want to go to hell so he’s listening to Smith read him the BOM. Joe inadvertently forms a Cut Your Hair chiasmus. Also again: obey JS, and you will get money. Joe mistakes ch 4 for ch 5. It’s an honest mistake. Zoram makes a quick appearance and he’s definitely not suffering from Stockholm Syndrome. Smith is worried about the hate in his heart, but Joe reassures him that they can overcome what they’ve been taught. Joe reminds the listener that JS is an incredible conman. 90+ y/o white men quote the BOM as if it’s scripture. Smith admits that his testimony was shaken by BKP’s hateful, limp, handshake. Smith needs to end quickly because of a star war. 
 
Brigham Morris Young (Wikipedia page) https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/B._Morris_Young 
Hula Pie from Duke’s- https://www.dukesmaui.com/hula-pie/
Ervil LeBaron (Wikipedia page) https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ervil_LeBaron 
Pavement - Cut Your Hair (Official Video) https://youtu.be/QTTgpTeb0Z8 
A Mother's Courage: The Mary Thomas Story (1989 TV Movie)  https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0097915/plotsummary?ref_=tt_ov_pl 
You Can't Touch Mormon Jesus https://youtu.be/46PXaJxzuDE 
Email us at joeandsmithpod@gmail.com
Music Provided by Eric VanAusdal with permission from the artist.
The Book of Mormon is publicly available at churchofjesuschrist.org 
 
Remember who you are and what you stand for

1 Nephi 22

Smith comes in hot with a bunch of topics that will not be covered. Joe starts talking about The God Makers and its sequel, but he gets distracted easily. The guys appreciated the first one, with the exception of all of the Christian friendly fire. The second one wasn’t great. Joe talks about his experience listening to the Jahndalynn interview with Eddie D (see link below, it’s nearly 4 hours long). 
The Tanners wrote a book, but they also have insight into authenticating documents from their knowledge of the tanning process. JS starts this chapter with a convenient, leading question from L&L. JS loves white people, says Smith. Smith doesn’t like sheep because he was told that it was a good thing to be one. He’s also not a fan of the repentance concept as a way to keep church members on the defensive, or feeling bad about themselves. Smith fantasizes about the idea of Temple Square having the actual brass plates, sword of Laban, seer stone, etc. Joe thinks that the urim and thummim could be like a really good Snapchat filter. Joe starts an awkward conversation with Melvin the holy spirit, who in turn, wants to talk to Zoram. Probably just skip the last 10 minutes. 
The Dollop with Dave Anthony & Gareth Reynolds #319- The Missouri Mormon War (Live in KC) https://youtu.be/C6dYJFatrzc 
 
The God Makers - 1982 https://youtu.be/JnUMqEX3K44 
The God Makers II - 1992 https://youtu.be/M4UcZBGJuXU 
You Can't Touch Mormon Jesus  https://youtu.be/46PXaJxzuDE 
 
1332-1335: ED DECKER – EX-MORMON, EVANGELICAL CHRISTIAN, CAREER “ANTI-MORMON,” AND CREATOR OF “THE GOD MAKERS” https://mormonstories.org/podcast/ed-decker/ 
 
Mormonism—Shadow or Reality? Jerald and Sandra Tanner http://www.utlm.org/booklist/titles/mormonismshadoworreality_ub001.htm 
 
Email us at joeandsmithpod@gmail.com
Music Provided by Eric VanAusdal with permission from the artist.
The Book of Mormon is publicly available at churchofjesuschrist.org 
 
Remember who you are and what you stand for

1 Nephi 20 and 21

Smith drops out from a tech issue, and Joe thinks it might be safe to tell how he really feels, but Smith returns before Joe could say anything. Joe makes Smith listen to a clip from the National Press Club interview with DAB and it’s frustrating. Jahndalynn comes to visit for a little bit. Joe gets excited about the multiverse and the singularity, and he’s not even high. Smith tells Joe about the whittling whistling brigade, and you’re going to need moisture on your lips to whistle. The guys reflect on how gruesome the JS death scene was in Under the Banner of Heaven episode 5. Joe talks to Jahndalynn about an antidiscrimination law that the church helped write, it doesn’t prevent discrimination. 
Joe starts and comes back from the break mid-conversation about dirty nursery rhymes from 2 Live Crew and the Dice-man. Joe reads a message from the listener. Smith says a sweet prayer to EBV who provides our music. 
Joe points out some of the differences between the OT verses in 1 Nephi 20 and the BOM versions of the verse. They seem pretty self-serving for JS. Smith notices that a lot of the OT revolves around justice. Joe notes that the BOM is a lot better as a work of fiction. 
The Halo Benders - Virginia Reel Around The Fountain https://youtu.be/8B0ztHiREUs 
 
Elder David A. Bednar Answers Questions at The National Press Club https://youtu.be/drsaphYuQ04 
 
1605: RESPONDING TO MORMON APOSTLE DAVID BEDNAR’S NATIONAL PRESS CLUB CONFERENCE – PT 2 https://mormonstories.org/podcast/responding-to-bednars-npc-conference-2/ 
 
2 Live Crew - One and One (LP.Vers) https://youtu.be/SBjzbnnh-k8 
 
Andrew Dice Clay - The Evolution Of Dirty Nursery Rhymes https://youtu.be/6lTnnu3XLFk 
 
Differences Between 1 Nephi 20-21 and Isaiah 48-49 https://youtu.be/UzoKiTGvzR0 
 
Email us at joeandsmithpod@gmail.com
Music Provided by Eric VanAusdal with permission from the artist.
The Book of Mormon is publicly available at churchofjesuschrist.org 
 
Remember who you are and what you stand for
 

1 Nephi 19

Smith starts by trying to open his hard heart, but Joe quickly distracts him with talk of a they/them dog. The guys refer to a great couple of episodes from Jahndalynn’s podcast (links below), about Sister Bednar’s husband giving an address at the National Press Club. Listen to that podcast if you have 7+ hours to spare. Smith isn’t happy with some of the copout maneuvers from the Q&A section of Bednar’s address. Joe wishes he could see how JS would have handled today’s press because it wouldn’t be like Bednar. Smith points out how uneventful and unfunny general conference seems to be. Smith gets excited remembering how much he liked The Emperor's New Groove (2000). Smith doesn’t have a testimony of JS nor of BY. Joe is grateful that maybe the church lies to us, but at least they don’t lie to us in the same way JS lied to the church/world. The guys may take a tandem bike ride together if they can find the right place to do it. 
Smith asks Joe about any needed guidance that could come from reading the BOM. The guys try a few tactics to make the BOM true- maybe it was Atlantis or on a volcano that erupted, or maybe it happened in a different universe entirely. Smith remembers the teaching that would come up sometimes that this earth is the only earth that killed Jesus. Why don’t you sit and think about that Jesus-killer-earthling? Joe gets to talk to the Holy Spirit for a little while who seems like a pretty pleasant Southern gentleman. Joe doesn’t know very much about the Dead Sea Scrolls. 
The guys are adamant that they do not wish to start a cult. They still think Ballam was the best Lucifer. Joe tries to brainstorm about what to do with all of those Isaiah chapters coming up. Did Mark Hamill write the Gospels of Mark and Luke while in and out of character? 
 
Mormon Stories Podcast 1602: RESPONDING TO MORMON APOSTLE DAVID BEDNAR’S NATIONAL PRESS CLUB PRESENTATION https://mormonstories.org/podcast/responding-to-bednars-npc-presentation/?portfolioCats=1989
 
Mormon Stories Podcast 1605: RESPONDING TO MORMON APOSTLE DAVID BEDNAR’S NATIONAL PRESS CLUB CONFERENCE – PT 2
https://mormonstories.org/podcast/responding-to-bednars-npc-conference-2/?portfolioCats=1989 
 
Donald Trump Says Billions And Billions And Billions https://youtu.be/u_aLESDql1U 
 
Email us at joeandsmithpod@gmail.com
Music Provided by Eric VanAusdal with permission from the artist.
The Book of Mormon is publicly available at churchofjesuschrist.org 
 
Remember who you are and what you stand for

1 Nephi 18

The guys start off by reminiscing over the bonkers AM radio show Coast to Coast with George Noory. Smith is still frustrated about Rusty’s aversion to the term Mormon. Smith talks about his time as a gun enthusiast and how some of his attitudes have changed. Smith tells Joe about a video of the president of the NRA getting trolled (link below). The corrections department reminded the guys to circle back to Ronald Poelman’s 1984 conference talk that needed to be corrected (link below). The guys remember the early 2000s and how funny it was when TV shows were bleeped. Joe remembers how much of a laugh GA’s and executives get for mediocre jokes. Smith notices that beards and poligamy ended around the same time in the church. The guys wonder how the convo went between the Lord and JS when JS married Orson Hyde’s wife while he was on a mission. 
Smith feels like he notices more of the apologetics since he stopped attending. He thinks that the apologetics in Rough Stone have kept RL Bushman from being ex’d. 
In this chapter, Nephi is afraid of God and that’s a good thing. Did Lehi find the golden snitch outside of his tent? Also, sometimes God makes things difficult to show his power. Nephi murmurs about his soreness, but nobody calls him on it. God threatens people with destruction sometimes, also a good thing. The baller director is aka the L-word. 
Coast to Coast AM https://www.coasttocoastam.com/ 
 
You tube- We Gave a Speech to Wayne LaPierre at the NRA Convention https://youtu.be/yTCXGAeLGHw 
 
Ronald Poelman - Censored General Conference Talk - Nov 16, 1984 https://youtu.be/6qIr30dtCvo 
 
Apostle Orson Hyde who was sent on his mission when Joseph secretly married his wife, Marinda Hyde https://cesletter.org/debunking-fairmormon/polygamy-polyandry.html#hyde 
 
Bill O'Reilly - We'll Do It LIVE! https://youtu.be/vu2NK5REvWM 
 
Joseph Smith ROUGH STONE ROLLING By Richard Lyman Bushman https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/22031/joseph-smith-by-richard-lyman-bushman/
 
ARCHAEOLOGY AND THE BOOK OF MORMON https://mormonstories.org/truth-claims/the-books/the-book-of-mormon/archaeology-and-the-book-of-mormon/ 
 
Email us at joeandsmithpod@gmail.com
 
Remember who you are and what you stand for
 

1 Nephi 17

Joe remembers a time when the seminary building at his high school was vandalized. He also remembers that his seminary teachers loved responding to criticisms of the BOM, but they wouldn’t share from where the criticisms came. Smith is rereading the JS bio from Bushman and he’s noticing the amount of apologetics within. The guys decide that the whole ‘raising the bar’ for missionaries attitude from the early 2000s was most likely just clever branding. Joe tells a story about inadvertently seeing bad words in a chat on his son’s discord. Smith tells a story about catching a coworker watching sexy moose butchering videos. Smith finds a GA with a pretty good combover. Smith remembers a YT video from Thinker of Thoughts that made him feel sad for Sister Bednar. 
Joe is reminded of a Black Mirror episode about unskippable ads. Smith is a fan of Gilligan, but not the island. This chapter uses the word suck and the guys want to get it to catch on again as a term. Smith issues himself the book of victory for Satan challenge, in which he comes up with some sort of compelling BOM fanfiction. Smith denies any HP-related LARPing activities. Smith wants to write about how the baller director showed up in the story. The guys challenge each other to find something objectively positive in this chapter, and they’re having a tough time doing it. Smith reminds the listener that according to Rusty, God’s love is not conditional (see link below). Nephi and the Lord have an awkward conversation about who is in charge, and that Nephi’s last name is probably Smith. The guys think that God maybe started loving church members after they left the church. 
Smith got an incorrect answer on a history test in high school once, it was mainly a translation error though. The guys wonder what it would be like to talk to their bishop about a foot fetish. Joe points out that the verbiage in this chapter leaves room for the argument that God does not love those who will have him as their god. Also from this chapter: if you think about a sin, you’ve committed that sin in your heart. Joe gets triggered from being called past feeling when he was asking too many questions. In this chapter JS plays up the wicked getting punished by God which set quite a precedent psychologically for a young Joe and Smith. 
 
Music Provided by Eric VanAusdal with permission from the artist.
The Book of Mormon is publicly available at churchofjesuschrist.org
 
Charles Andre Didier https://www.mormonwiki.com/Charles_A._Didier 
 
Joseph Smith ROUGH STONE ROLLING By Richard Lyman Bushman https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/22031/joseph-smith-by-richard-lyman-bushman/
 
Sister Bednar - Staying Humble https://youtu.be/WJtDU1-W2N0
 
Wikipedia page for Black Mirror episode Fifteen Million Merits- https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fifteen_Million_Merits 
 
Russel M Nelson Divine Love  “divine love…cannot correctly be characterized as unconditional” https://abn.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/ensign/2003/02/divine-love?lang=eng&adobe_mc_ref=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.churchofjesuschrist.org%2Fstudy%2Fensign%2F2003%2F02%2Fdivine-love%3Flang%3Deng&adobe_mc_sdid=SDID%3D5398AB9BA629B12E-5790299054E90DEA%7CMCORGID%3D66C5485451E56AAE0A490D45%2540AdobeOrg%7CTS%3D1652217199
 
Costco Bountiful Warehouse  https://www.costco.com/warehouse-locations/bountiful-w-bountiful-ut-735.html 
 
Snakes On a Plane- Samuel L. Jackson https://youtu.be/vLaX8UvVUQw 
 
Email us at joeandsmithpod@gmail.com
 
Remember who you are and what you stand for

1 Nephi 16

Smith had some audio problems on this episode, so bear with us. Do you like the sound of mouse clicks? Let’s find out together. Joe and Smith start by visiting the corrections department for a couple of mispronunciations on the last episode. Who is your favorite dame? Smith’s attorney may have an uphill battle for his piece of the wizarding pie. Joe had a panicky way to start the day. Smith tells us about a scare he had a few years back and how there was a fall guy for the MMM. Smith’s capital punishment choice would also be firing squad and Joe’s would be an unfogivable curse. Smith reads a screenshot/post from the interweb to brighten our mood. The guys hear from a listener asking for ideas about an AMA-type meeting going on in her stake. 
Joe recommends the Alanis Morrisette documentary Jagged (2021). Nephi comes in hot in this chapter, being shitty to his brothers and getting rewarded for it. Lehi finds a compass outside of his tent- it’s never explained. A compass just shows up, no further questions. Smith wants an Oregon Trail-type video game or board game with Lehi’s family at the center. Nephi broke his fine Chinese steel bow. 
Lehi channels his inner Gandolph (not to mention JS) to get directions from a stone. Nephi does more chastising to empower more similar behavior in the LDS church. Joe points out that JS might be using this chapter to let the church members know that they need to fall in line to be more like Nephi and less like L&L. He’s taking some pretty big swings by having Lehi find a compass and L&L hearing the voice of God. 
 
Meaningless https://youtu.be/pD_wSdkgaQA
Music Provided by Eric VanAusdal with permission from the artist.
The Book of Mormon is publicly available at churchofjesuschrist.org
Email us at joeandsmithpod@gmail.com
Remember who you are and what you stand for

1 Nephi 15

Smith starts out by trying to convince us that his legal name may be Smith Podcast and the guys have been saying his name the entire time. Smith knows a lot about Penn and Teller. Joe remembers REM’s 1995 performance on Letterman. Joe made a Modest Mouse name-that-tune challenge game for Smith, and Smith kind of blows it out of the water. The guys talk about what they like about indie music, and Joe confesses his love for Indie 102.3 in Denver. Is there a Mormon special forces unit? Smith tells about his son correcting him over Rusty’s name for the church. Joe’s son correctly uses the L’s N in V. Joe tells a second-hand story about a good sacrament meeting prank he heard of once. The guys remember how nerve-racking the sacrament prayer could be, and Smith shares a fail he had. The guys talk about an attitude shift in the church more recently where people can make mistakes on some of the wording and still get by. Smith drops a bombshell that he used to be a temple worker/officiator and tells a couple of stories about the council to not be an asshole to temple patrons. 
Nephi acts like a judgey asshole to his brothers while millions of people in 2022 testify that the BOM is true. Joe tells us about telling his bishop about masturbating too much. Smith casually mentions the idea of the BOMCU as if he’s mentioned it millions of times. He wonders if Jurassic Park technology will help graft the branch of this olive tree that Nephi won’t STFU about. Joe gets indignant about Nephi taking credit for a positive change in L&L, but not taking responsibility when shit goes South. Smith points out that it’s silly to get angry with the motivations of the fictional Nephi. 
Bane reads us a quote from Brucer, who seems like a pretty big advocate for staying with the ninety and nine sheep. The guys scratch the surface on DF Uch and how challenging norms may get you demoted out of the first presidency. Smith recommends a Thinker of Thoughts YT video about a GA who had to make some ex post facto changes to his conference talk (citation needed). The guys resort to making dick jokes about the iron rod again, come on guys grow up. L&L tend to ask the questions that Nephi is just raring to answer, some of the questions are so specific. Joe and Smith try to make an impromptu MM song using the BOM as inspiration and it doesn’t work. The guys still can’t get over how in-your-face the last chapter was about calling all other churches a whore. 
 
Crush With Eyeliner - REM - 1995 https://youtu.be/xA3H6czr9Ms?t=250  
Indie 102.3 in Denver (stream it!) https://indie.cpr.org/ 
The Universe Tim and Eric https://youtu.be/-R4Tp8ls5lY?t=62 
The Caravan Moves On By Elder Bruce R. McConkie https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/1984/10/the-caravan-moves-on?lang=eng 
Thinker Of Thoughts https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCVTCFh3uDMH0GZlwl1JOoHQ 
A Mormon by any other name... https://youtu.be/2lKQrYUE3yc
Randy Travis - Forever And Ever, Amen (Official Music Video) https://youtu.be/sgJXbIP83A8 
Music Provided by Eric VanAusdal with permission from the artist.
The Book of Mormon is publicly available at churchofjesuschrist.org
Email us at joeandsmithpod@gmail.com
Remember who you are and what you stand for