The Joe and Smith Podcast: Read the Book of Mormon with us

2 Nephi 30 (with guest Friendjamin!)

It’s happened. This week the guys are joined by a guest, Friendjamin, who is still a card-carrying saint of the latter-days. Joe recants his negative review of the Jon Heder ep of the Petey Pants Podcast. The conversation devolves into mission masturbation and the like. Smith took an awesome picture of hot lava that can be seen here. The guys are excited about their Turtle Friend’s LDS doctrine-based Christmas t-shirt that he designed. The guys play a round of “I’ve got some bad tunes for you” which was borrowed without permission from the Threedom podcast. 
 
Music Provided by Eric VanAusdal with permission from the artist.
The Book of Mormon is publicly available at churchofjesuschrist.org 
Remember who you are and what you stand for

2 Nephi 29 It's Like EFY, But GFY

The guys are back and they did not land their exclusive guest this week (sad face). Smith sent Joe a picture of the cutest baby tortoises you’ve ever seen. They want you to check out their patreon page- https://patreon.com/JoeAndSmith. A bible? A bible? The more the merrier. Smith refers back to this classic Brother Jake youtube video about the different branches of the church. Smith proposes an interesting test to tell if one is a real Christian. Joe wonders about the future of the temple video. Smith predicts VR temple sessions in the future. The guys discuss some garment do’s and dont’s. Joe refers back to another classic youtube video about ‘Mormon Jesus’. Joe is about halfway through the Jon Heder ep of the Petey Pants Podcast. The guys reminisce about Pete Holmes’ ‘lesbian Val Kilmer-look alike’ bit. 
Joe refers to a  Mark Rober youtube video, and he points out that Mark reminds him of a million different guys from elder’s quorum who didn’t like him (Joe). Joe spoils an entire Black Mirror episode. The guys talk Schitt’s Creek and Keep Sweet etc. 
 
Music Provided by Eric VanAusdal with permission from the artist.
The Book of Mormon is publicly available at churchofjesuschrist.org 
Remember who you are and what you stand for

2 Nephi 28, is it PG-13?

The guys are back with a new special challenge this week. They’ll get to it a few minutes in. Joe notices what he doesn’t like about dad jokes. Smith gives new meaning to the term ‘superspreader’ and makes Joe giggle. Smith refers back to the Aliki series of sketches from Portlandia. The guys try to self-edit to try to land a tbm guest next week. All sorts of aspersions are cast. Joe gives an attempt at an apologist answer for the BOM to teach principles in terms of conflict and good and bad. Eat, drink, and be merry.The guys try to reconcile the perfectionism that they absorbed growing up with other, more positive messages within the BOM. The irony is not lost on the guys that they are trying to ‘play nice’ and this chapter is pretty much a direct criticism of one of the main theses of the podcast. Does the BOM criticize the church?  Some other stuff happens. 
Russel M Nelson Divine Love  “divine love…cannot correctly be characterized as unconditional” 
 
Music Provided by Eric VanAusdal with permission from the artist.
The Book of Mormon is publicly available at churchofjesuschrist.org 
Remember who you are and what you stand for

2 Nephi 27 Flashing its Perverted Images Across Your Mind

Smith does his best Mark “Jacko” Jackson impression. Joe accuses Smith of sending him down a “Helf hole” after referring to him an article from Psychology Today published in 2017. The article is in reference to a separate scholarly article published in The Journal of Sex Research about so called, ‘sex addiction’ as it pertains to religious people. A bad Ballam shows up, but is quickly cast out. Joe claims he can do an impression of himself, but he doesn’t deliver. Joe makes an executive decision to read 2 Nephi 27 despite the Isaiah tw in the chapter heading. Don’t worry, the guys think better of this decision later. Joe expresses some frustration over his experience with a very specific way in which the church conditioned married women to have control over their husband’s sexuality. The guys toy with the idea that re-reading the BOM for the podcast will bring them back into the church. They want to use this idea to make money. You can buy anything in this world…you know how it goes. Nobody else likes Pavement, but the guys can’t help but tell one more thing about the show. The guys finally decide to pull the plug on reading chapter 27. 
Joe offers a hearty pat on the back to Smith for legitimately forgetting that it was GC weekend last weekend. Smith reads some excerpts from old GC talks about the evils of pornography. Bane shows up to read anti-porn quotes from GC. Penn and Teller come up again. Joe insists that church members should be talking about consent rather than talking about abstaining from porn. Joe describes going down a Helf hole where he listened to at least 10 hours of podcasts from the wonderful Natasha Helfer. Smith reads another frustrating GC quote. Along Joe’s journey this week, he learned about an LDS apologist called Kwaku and someone else who has an anti-Jahndallyn blog. Kwaku has an unlisted yt video about the evils of Jahndallyn. Smith’s assessment of some of the exmo drama is that it’s a classic who done it. The guys try to see how many times they can say Kwaku. Heaps. Smith reads one more anti-porn quote that is really Jesus talking to the Pharisees in SLC. Vmemo 09/2011 Kid R
 
Music Provided by Eric VanAusdal with permission from the artist.
The Book of Mormon is publicly available at churchofjesuschrist.org 
Remember who you are and what you stand for
 

2 Nephi 26 Bane- Flashing its Perverted Images Across Your Mind

Smith asks for an idea about what to call listeners, Joe suggests not to include ‘anti’. Joe talks about his dear friend (not deer friend, aka D’ump) who is a loving tbm. The guys recap their time together in Denver for the Pavement show in Sep 2022. Smith noted Joe’s breathing. Joe gets a little frustrated by all of the filler in the BOM, just like last chapter. The guys discuss whether or not a church member is ‘allowed to ask questions’. Joe reaffirms that a big part of the guys’ premise is that JS wrote the BOM, but now what? Smith talks about how some of the resentment is from devoting so much time to an organization that wasn’t completely forthright with some very important facts. Is it wrong to teach kids to pray? Maybe if the kids are praying to someone who doesn’t love them unconditionally. The guys get back around to the point that having a strict upbringing growing up, made it easier to leave the church. Smith notices some lingering perfectionism, and that the BOM preps its readers to be persecuted. 
Vmail- it’s none of your business 10-2012
The guys come back from break with text-to-speech ai, who is a little sassy. Joe recommends doing a search for common phrases in the BOM; there is a lot of filler. Smith wants an ai to analyze the language of the BOM. Joe gets caught off guard by the use of ‘terrible ones’, but the guys learn that it’s not from JS. The guys point out the irony of the description of other churches in this chapter. Smith stumbles into a good one-word Jahndallyn impression, and Joe reminds him of his JK Simmons one-word impression. The guys get sidetracked talking about a pretty old Mr Richards incident and his cup o’ coffee with regular-sized Jerry. There is some more irony about priestcrafts. Joe offers an explanation of some of the random vmails that have been showing up. Smith is reminded of a terrifying picture of Rusty in the June 2022 Liahona. 
Vmail- Noodle McGroodle 07-2011
Smith tries to make sense of some JS/BOM logic, but it’s not really worth the time. The guys confess that they are not well-versed in the Friends-o-verse. They express their disdain for alternative guitar tunings- probably derived from a religious fundamentalist worldview growing up. Smith comes up with an apt nickname for Joe as the breathin heathen. Joe tries to remember if there is thumb-thing else they forgot to talk about. 
 
Music Provided by Eric VanAusdal with permission from the artist.
The Book of Mormon is publicly available at churchofjesuschrist.org 
Remember who you are and what you stand for
 

2 Nephi 25 "Rib Out" is Now my New Barbeque Place

Show notes are on the way. The guys are recording together in the same room. Smith came to visit Joe so they could go to a concert together. 

2 Nephi 11-24 Mine's Dead

Joe questions whether reading the BOM is good for him. Smith suggests for the listener to order a free one, but the missionaries will bring it. The guys accidentally stumble into the church’s new branding campaign to have a BOM in your crotch. They return to the well until the end of the episode. In this chapter, JS warns us that there are some Isaiah chapters coming. Like 13 of them. There are 2 more BOMs in crotches. Smith has a story about a TBM friend, who may be a deer. The guys remember D’ump from Tim and Eric. Joe passes along a book recommendation from someone he trusts- Jennette McCurdy’s I’m Glad My Mom Died
Smith opens some mail that he got from Joe. Joe included his testimony of the BOM in the package. Smith re-reads a previous verse. JS, he has a BOM in his crotch. Joe doesn’t like the use of the word proving in the BOM. 5 more BOMs in crotches. The BOM just isn’t going to burn in some house fires. Is Santa a lie for children? There is more BOM logic about why God exists. Also the LDS Godhead is confusing. Mysterious vmail- Phoenix Gem and Mineral Show (07/26/2012)Joe poses a hypothetical scenario about guys arguing over the bible. Joe gets the Kinderhook Plates mixed up with View of the Hebrews. Joe liked hearing that Australia has more restrictive standards for what is and is not considered a religion. Joe tries to quiz Smith about the names of some of the brethren’s wives. They find out that Joe is reading from an old list. Also, that LDS guys technically get more virgins than some of the other religions’ afterlife. Some more BOMs in crotches. Smith has a story about his earthly father. Joe asks how Smith’s dad is doing. Joe tells a story about catching up with an old friend. Joe tells an embarrassing story about the guys’ friend, Sam the Eagle. One more BOMcrotch. Joe reads a ‘yo child is so perished’ from their listener. Smith presents Joe with a challenge that he will not take on. Joe presents a scenario that would send Smith into a rage. OK, just one more. 
 
Music Provided by Eric VanAusdal with permission from the artist.
The Book of Mormon is publicly available at churchofjesuschrist.org 
Remember who you are and what you stand for

2 Nephi 10 You and Smith Really Crack Each Other Up

A Smith and Joe exclusive! Joe takes it upon himself to read this week. It doesn’t take long before the guys devolve into adolescent pp jokes. They wonder who took the longest to take out their endowments out of the last few leaders of the church. Smith doesn’t like to use the word scripture. Joe makes a promise (that he later breaks) about a ‘yo kids are so perished’ joke. This chapter teaches us that there is no other nation that would crucify their god. God reminds Smith about John 3:16. Smith talks about how being raised in the Western US is different from the East. Wanton eyes will probably not come up again (sad face). Joe suggests skipping to an Isaiah chapter because it sounds more interesting, even Seuss-y. The guys take turns doing bad Cosbys too. This chapter denounces priestcraft, while the guys in SLC probably had their grandkids help them sign up for direct deposit. And updated: Joe, or JS, may be ant wizards. The LDS godhead is confusing in the BOM. This chapter is very jingoistic, like maybe the worst one yet, USA! USA! Joe criticizes the church’s reaction to news stories about child molestation in the church. Smith polls the audience, but they don’t respond. The spirit shows up to weigh in on who is the better reader. Joe didn’t know that JS had an actual sword. The spirit tries to spread a rumor about Lucifer having some of his ribs removed. The black-and-white thinking is pretty heavy in this chapter as well. The guys are reminded of some David Bazan lyrics where he’s arguing with a god who sounds like the god of this BOM chapter. Joe still says oh my gosh. The US is a choice land above all other lands…barf. Joe gets excited about photos from the James Webb telescope. It sounds like Joe may have a hard copy of the BOM which tickles Smith for some reason. In this chapter, JS tells us to cheer up and choose happiness. It’s very ‘of its time’ sort of thinking. Will and Defoe. SWK was short, and boil-ridden. Bummer. Smith reminds us that his childhood friends who didn’t take the church as seriously at the time are still in the church now. Smith has a teaser for a sort-of unboxing on the next ep. 
David Bazan When We Fell
 
Music Provided by Eric VanAusdal with permission from the artist.
The Book of Mormon is publicly available at churchofjesuschrist.org 
Remember who you are and what you stand for
 

2 Nephi 09 part 2 of 2 Your Pure Water is Pretty Cool Too

Don’t adjust your podcasting devices, you’re hearing correctly. Smith picks up reading before talking or anything else?!!? Joe tells Smith about why they’re not funny, or maybe they’re only funny to each other. Is it learned or learn-ed? JS is not a fan of smart people. The learn-ed person is kind of the natural enemy of the con artist. Joe makes an ableist joke that seminary teachers would like. Can a person get reverse-circumcised? Smith looked into it before. Joe’s summary of how the contents of the BOM can be categorized into 3 or 4 categories comes from Jahndalyn’s interview with Grant Palmer. Is JS LARP-ing as a 19th Century Protestant preacher in this chapter? Was Captain Kidd the same as Indiana Jones? Was the dog’s name Captain? Joe reminds us of the idea where he reads a chapter. Smith prefers the Ron Howard series of The Office. Joe tries to give a pass to Arrested Development for being of its time. Smith teaches Joe about SMILE and Joe is not a fan. The guys go over new changes they would like to see in the endowment ceremony. Joe thinks the movie should be history of the entire world, i guess, and Smith wants it to get sexier. 
Smith refers the listener back to an episode of Nathan for You. JS gets a little bold about truth claims in this chapter, as per use. Joe starts to make a point about his faithful friend, Dwayne, but then he forgets. Joe refuses to cut ambient noise in this ep (he didn’t follow through). He gets upset about the idea that the BOM is going to teach us about the ‘consequences of sin’. Then he issues a challenge to make a tbm-friendly ep that is sincere. The guys try another take on the condescension of god. Maybe they’ll get it next time. 
Joe recaps some of his convo with a tbm friend which ended in the question- would the world have more sexual abuse if the church didn’t exist? The guys talk about some of the methods the church uses to address the elephant in the room. Does the org structure of the church facilitate SA? Smith has heard some pretty inflammatory SA second-hand accounts. The guys are too afraid to tell their actual families about the podcast, so….spread the word? Don’t forget to keep your relationships professional. Your family relationships, keep it professional. One of Joe’s naughty mission companions taught him a song about smoking joints. The guys don’t really have a patreon. 
 
Mormon Stories Podcast 030-033: AN INSIDER’S VIEW OF MORMON ORIGINS — AN INTERVIEW WITH GRANT PALMER
history of the entire world, i guess
Nathan For You - Claw of Shame - The Event
The Toyes - Smoke Two Joints
Music Provided by Eric VanAusdal with permission from the artist.
The Book of Mormon is publicly available at churchofjesuschrist.org 
Remember who you are and what you stand for

2 Nephi 09 part 1 of 2 The First Song is Pop Song '89

Show notes are on their way, hold your tapirs